Why Marry?

   These days I am showered with questions -

   Why are you still in office?

   Is the shopping done?

   Are you excited?

   I smile and shrug.

  You’re honestly the coolest bride ever , they say.

   “Only if it had been my wedding, I would have done SO much ,  wish my parents woud hurry up and find someone ” says a female colleague ,

   I look at her, amused and puzzled.

The only reason that I have consented to marriage is love. I am getting married because I met a fabulous person; we fell for each other and wish to treasure this beautiful companionship forever. I truly cannot fathom the reason why an independent and intelligent individual would choose to tie herself into a lifetime bond if not for love?

My biggest complaint with this “arranging” business is that the parties involved miss out on this beautiful experience of falling in love. The headiness, the excitement, the pure unadulterated bliss and this strange energy that pours out from some deep sacred place within you. The joy of discovering a person who fits in marvelously to every curve of your personality. The simple bliss of allowing love to transform your world.

Oh…how can you have lived fully if you haven’t fallen madly, deeply in love?

Yes, I have seen couples born out of the confines arranged marriages being deeply in love too. I do not judge the sincerity or purity of their emotion, but I do believe that it is vastly different from the affection born out of free will. Once the marriage is solemnized, the couple must compromise and learn to love each other. Why! If you possess a material thing long enough, you develop a emotional bond to it, proximity to a person for years together cannot, but end in love.

But why would the strong opinionated women I see around me , who do not let their parents choose even a costume for them – settle for a compromise with regard to the most important decision of their lives?

They say that marriage is a risk and at the end of the day. Love marriages break down as much as arranged marriages. So, while you’re taking a risk anyway, why not take the risk with a fighting chance? Why not take the chance where you’re wholeheartedly accepting the full responsibility of the consequences?

I bounced these thoughts on my favorite sounding board – my fiancé. Surprisingly, his response was a tiny bit hostile.

 Yes, love is beautiful, He said – but not everyone is as lucky as you. How many couples do you know who have had a long-term relationship out of marriage? It is very difficult to find the level of compatibility which allows people to stay together for long, out of free will.  Moreover, not all Indian parents are wonderfully open like yours who would openly accept a son-in-law from a different culture. Sometimes people just don’t have a choice – and you must not judge them.

Yes, I agree that I have been lucky. Lucky to have been blessed with the most understanding parents and lucky to have found V. But I do believe that even luck is self-made. If I had broken up with V , I would have been upset , very upset….but I would have picked up the pieces of my life and moved on. I would have loved again.

I do believe that we always have a choice.

I look at my colleague – so beautiful and brilliant -  and wonder why she would even consider giving up on love ?

Marriage is a milestone in all our lives , a special moment that we would want to treasure forever.

How would that moment truly every be special if its not lit by the glow of love?

Personally, I cannot even imagine the scenario of me being a forlorn bride stepping into a whole new phase of my life holding the hands of someone I barely know for a few months.

I have written about the heartache of getting married here.  I know I wouldn’t go through with it if not for the dream of a future with V. I know I might have many challenges ahead – but I know it wouldn’t matter quite so much with him by my side.

As for all my kutty cousins reading this – at the risk of being killed my their respective parents, I say – go on kids , fall in love – and then fall in love again , but marry – only for love.